Lost in Crazy..

    I know we are far gone. And that I am threw attempting to fix us. But if there's anyone whose worth hearing this it is you.. Happy Valentine's.     We both know I am not into those clichés but I might not get a better occasion to thank you for everything.     I am really so very grateful for you. It wasn't always frustration and disappointments. It was so very beautiful. It was love. It was life. It was everything. And I loved you.. Oh God how much I have loved you...     You gave every breath, every thought, every single heartbeat a meaning. I don't know where I would have been without you. You made me who I am. All my successes past and coming, I owe to you. You weren't just a boyfriend. You were my father, mother, home, family, happiness, and passion.     You made me feel everything.. Absolutely everything. And that's one thing you could never imagine how much I love you for. I thought I am ugly. ...

It is funny how you feel weak when someone points out your strength. Strength is exaggerated. . Strength is overrated. . Strength is coincidental. . Strength is accidental. . No one chooses to be strong out of virtue. Strength was never a choice. . Strength is what's forced upon you when there's no other route to take.. Strength is the lie of the cowardly to mask up their weakness. .

Enough baby.. enough. . Enough love.. what you are doing is wrong honey enough... You cannot play with people's emotions. . You cannot thrive on people's trust and misconceptions.. You cannot have one foot in one foot out only so you don't get hurt at the end.. You cannot have half a heart in and half a heart somewhere else only so you don't feel lonely... You cannot want one because of what he meant... because of what he gave.. because of what you were.. You cannot keep him around for the hope that maybe someday. . somehow he will go back to what he used to be.. that it would go back to the way it was... because darling that won't happen, what's done is done.. wounds bled out.. scars formed.. and they are here to stay and he is never going back to the man you once loved.. You cannot want one because he is wrong for you in every possible way.. because being with him would be challenging everything about who you are.. because he is everything you've n...

I want the love that changes me, challenges me, turns me into a better person. The love that frees me from all humanly confusion. The love that opens my eyes to all life's secrets and wonders. Not the love that drags me down a spiral of never ending self-doubt, anger and disamy. Not the love that brings me to my knees to search for the shattered pieces of what used to be instead of building what will be. Not the love that wipes off what's left of finite beauty.

All what's left now.. is pain hurt and suffering. . And tears .. tears.. lost of tears. .

At this point in my life there is only one thing that could save me, Strength.     Why does it feel so damn difficult? Why can’t I reach this one thing inside me that I know I have dormant somewhere? I need it so much..     I have all my senses heightened.. I have all my feelings emphasized.. I am feeling anything and everything.. WHY CAN’T I FEEL THIS ONE THING I NEED?     One of the greatest ancient Greek taboos was acting like Gods. Attempting to be God-like and defying the natural order of life was one sacred holy taboo, and breaking it had its consequences. Loving so strongly, so deeply, so passionately, so genuinely, and so sincerely.. Dedicating all your feelings, all your thoughts, all what you were, all what you are, all what you will ever be.. Making sense of all your pains, your wounds, your sorrows, your aspirations, your inspirations, your hopes through this one person.. To Want .. To Desire.. To Adore another so selfish...

   Once upon a time in a faraway land there lived a little boy, in a little house, with his little family. His life was happy and the times were merry.  But life doesn’t work the way we want it to, and evil came the little boy sensed it nearing. The little boy knew it was coming.     Every night after the little family went to sleep, the boy sang a sad song, cried, and prayed for this evil to go away.    Little to what the little boy knew when evil touches you, it does not go away without devouring you whole… and that’s what happened…. Seconds.. minutes.. hours.. days.. weeks.. HEARTBREAK .. months.. years.. Seconds.. minutes.. HEARTBREAK .. hours.. days.. weeks.. months.. years.. Seconds.. minutes.. hours.. days.. weeks.. months.. HEARTBREAK ..  years.. Seconds.. minutes.. hours.. days.. HEARTBREAK .. weeks.. months.. years.. Seconds.. HEARTBREAK .. minutes.. hours.. days.. weeks.. months.. years.. Seconds.. minutes.. hou...