Lost in Crazy..

You die a little bit more inside. .. And I am not so sure if I wnna do anything about it. .

    And you try.. and you try.. and you want and you yearn.. and cry and cry.. weep and cry? Asking for things. .. working for things.. but do you get them? .. do you reach them?? Do you achieve them? Or do you lose them?     I gave in my heart .. inside out. . I gave in every single feeling that I believe is humanly possible. . And it hurts. . But was it worth it? Is it worth it?  But our brains fail to object when our hearts decide. . Why is it this way?  Why can't I admit to my failures and cut my losses short? .. cut my losses short. . Why? .. Do I still have anything more to lose? .. Ungrateful .. you could say.. I am still alive.. I still have everything that many people would die for.. but I lost the one true thing I really cared about. . My heart. .     Is it the big things or the little things? ? I don't care anymore. . It doesn't really matter. . I can't think straight. . So many thoughts come rushing through my head. . I can't feel straight. . So many e

    Sometimes in life.. you couldn't have loved more.. yearned more.. wanted something more.. and worked for it more.. but it just Does not work out . . And it isn't your fault. . Or is it?      But you will never know what was really IT that kept you from it...       Is it just the way life is? Builds you up.. lefts you higher. . Makes you believe you have everything.. only to bring you down.. and crush your soul?        An old philosophy is to believe that misery exists only to make one appreciates happiness. . That misery builds up a person and turn it into a full rounded experienced individual. . Is it so? Or is that the way the less fortunate try to think of it to make their existence bearable ?         The less fort unate ? .. did I choose the wrong vocabulary or does that bring it down to luck?       LUCK . . if it is a mat ter of luck . .    Wow.. life is unfair. . But God is life and life is God. . God created life... God is unfair. . But God is fair.. That ne

In a message for a Professor of mine, describing what I have recently observed within the Saudi society: " I am alright medical school started and I loath the people here and I just hate how stupid and limited they are. . I think I finally got what Closed Minded means.. within modern language we use it to describe uptight people,  but after observing most of my classmates and how my educated intelligent professors approach them I came to understand the real meaning of it. It is like they are entrapped inside a bubble knowing that there is a world outside it but they refuse to explore it in fear of getting themelves contaminated with the evils they were raised to believe  existed. . And the way the more aware -maybe more intelligent?- approach them in is disgusting.. delicately afraid of breaking that bubble and exposing them to logic, empathy,  selflessness and every other beautiful aspect of humanity outside their pathological religious beliefs system . . They confused within th