Lost in Crazy..

     I kissed him, trying to bring him back. I kissed him and let my lips rest against his so that our breath mingled and the tears from my eyes became salt on his skin, and I told myself that, somewhere, tiny particles of him would become tiny particles of me, ingested, swallowed, alive, perpetual. I wanted to press every bit of me against him. I wanted to will something into him. I wanted to give him every bit of life I felt and force him to live.     I realized I was afraid of living without him. How is it you have the right to destroy my life, I wanted to demand of him, but I am not allowed a say in yours?     So I held him, him ex-lover, ex-universe, life, passion, happiness. I held him close and said nothing, all while telling him silently that he was loved. Oh, but he was loved.

Because it will always end with a curl up in bed, a good\bad cry, and demonic headache on the following sunrise.

I am a liar. I am the world's biggest liar. I say I live my life without regrets. Regret-less? The horrifying truth is that, I regret it all. I regret every moment I lived, for the aching of its memories. I regret every moment I did not live, for never knowing its memories. It is a never ending dilemma for what I desire. It is a never ending struggle for what I want. So, I lie.

    To be frank I have always thought of writing A STORY of those I lived, but never really thought I would be doing it to inspire someone. In other words -up until recently- I never really paused and took pride in everything I have experienced so far. From where I see "what I have lived of my life" is that life is tough. Life is really tough. We need to work so hard and lose so bad to gain something. When I was 8 my father killed my mum.     That was my biggest struggle. The one thing that broke every ounce of my soul for me to build it up bit by bit afterwards. It was horrible. It was too sad. It was too damn lonely. But I out lived that. I grew up I accomplished so much so very much! I lived, I loved, I learned and found "some peace". I spread happiness everywhere I go. And I give from my heart. Praying for the thought that one day I would be able to help the broken ones who weren't as lucky as I am. The ones who weren't strong enough to pull through on

They will go back to the living, once the absence of your nothing doesn't kill'em no more.

Somebody needed to tell her, that the thing she's still wearing should be thrown away in that bottom-drawer box. Along with all the rotten memories' flowers And the empty-worded letters.