Lost in Crazy..

All what's left now.. is pain hurt and suffering. . And tears .. tears.. lost of tears. .

At this point in my life there is only one thing that could save me, Strength.     Why does it feel so damn difficult? Why can’t I reach this one thing inside me that I know I have dormant somewhere? I need it so much..     I have all my senses heightened.. I have all my feelings emphasized.. I am feeling anything and everything.. WHY CAN’T I FEEL THIS ONE THING I NEED?     One of the greatest ancient Greek taboos was acting like Gods. Attempting to be God-like and defying the natural order of life was one sacred holy taboo, and breaking it had its consequences. Loving so strongly, so deeply, so passionately, so genuinely, and so sincerely.. Dedicating all your feelings, all your thoughts, all what you were, all what you are, all what you will ever be.. Making sense of all your pains, your wounds, your sorrows, your aspirations, your inspirations, your hopes through this one person.. To Want .. To Desire.. To Adore another so selfishly .. The entitlement.. The possessiveness..

   Once upon a time in a faraway land there lived a little boy, in a little house, with his little family. His life was happy and the times were merry.  But life doesn’t work the way we want it to, and evil came the little boy sensed it nearing. The little boy knew it was coming.     Every night after the little family went to sleep, the boy sang a sad song, cried, and prayed for this evil to go away.    Little to what the little boy knew when evil touches you, it does not go away without devouring you whole… and that’s what happened…. Seconds.. minutes.. hours.. days.. weeks.. HEARTBREAK .. months.. years.. Seconds.. minutes.. HEARTBREAK .. hours.. days.. weeks.. months.. years.. Seconds.. minutes.. hours.. days.. weeks.. months.. HEARTBREAK ..  years.. Seconds.. minutes.. hours.. days.. HEARTBREAK .. weeks.. months.. years.. Seconds.. HEARTBREAK .. minutes.. hours.. days.. weeks.. months.. years.. Seconds.. minutes.. hours.. HEARTBREAK .. days.. weeks.. months.. y

She leaves her bed in the middle of the night.. She goes into the bathroom and looks up in the mirror.. She washes her hands and face.. Rinsing.. brushing.. washing.. trying to get it off of her.. She smells the stench that refused to just go away.. Is it her rotten heart? Is it her dead dreams? Her suffocated hopes? Or is it her dying soul? She stares at her self-reflection.. Her wide.. big.. black eyes.. sad so sad the look in them.. Her face.. her perfectly-drawn features.. She knows she is beautiful.. she just can’t feel it.. So calm she looks.. so peaceful.. so strong.. so capable.. so young..  and yet so sad .. She gazes at her naked body.. it does not feel naked anymore.. Why is that she wonders? It comes back to her…….. Every part of her body reminds her of every kiss.. Every turn, every curve.. reminds her of every touch.. Naked is relative, she figures.. How naked you don’t feel now, has to do with how naked you felt then.. It isn’t y

Only if the sky stops pouring. . Only if the wind stops blowing. . Only if the cold fades away ...

It says: " And I remember what it felt like to be on the verge of a breakdown, I remember it very well. And how can I forget. Im broken and bent, but into a better shape. I was lost and nobody found me. I found myself in the darkest of my times, i knew then, who I was and what I wanted to become. I learned that all the things that try to weigh us down are just virtual, nothing is ever real unless we trick ourselves into believing it is. I am not proud of the things I've done, I must say; but I learned so many details about myself and the world I've been placed in. And I loved it, every moment of it. Cheers to new beginnings, this is not a new year's resolution. This is my heart pouring words out of real experience and painful memories. And I loved it, every moment of it. Am i getting more interesting when it comes to writing."