Medical School Rejection?

    Hello my dearest dearest best Doctor ever,  -whom I really grew much more appreciative of after meeting some very deluding biochemists in medical school-
    After all the drama I put you through as a consequence of that damned rejection email, I kinda kept a mental note to thank you if any of the things you said turned out to be true.. and they DID!! Looking back at it I can't really understand all the drama I allowed myself to go through. . It was not the end of the world, but somehow my brain managed to register it as that!
    I have been meaning to send you this email for months now.. Maybe I was waiting for the moment where I feel truly happy,  so that my words would be more genuine.  I am so happy.  Okay the daily hassles are still there. . The complications and a whole lot of stuff to deal with.. but I am really happy... for the first month or so of medical school I have contemplated the idea of dropping out every single day. . I just couldn't find myself or be myself. . I just couldn't feel the passion that have always kept me going. . And it was horrible. . I didn't know why I was feeling that way.. Was it the general atmosphere?  Was it the new lifestyle that I am forced to adopt here? Or was it Medicine that seemed so boring and lifeless?  I really couldn't tell so I wasn't able to make any decisions. . I was really tormented by the thought of how much science I'd be missing by not going for an MS/Phd I actually used my friend's blackboard to "try and study" what he is studying so I don't "miss on anything".. and trust me you wouldn't want to know how exhausting and frustrating that ended up to be lol..
     I don't know what changed.. I really don't .. it was so sudden as if it happened over night. . In the midst of me hating everything and everyone ... I realized that it doesn't really matter. . I am studying medicine which is what I have always always wanted. . My constant struggle in life was for getting to do that .. and now I have that so why am I being such an unappreciative whiny bitch! What was really frustrating is that I am studying with idiots, the material given is super simplified and the exams are made ridiculously easy that it's insultive! But what I truly realized is that it is on my advantage. . Nothing makes a person but his determination and how much he works on himself. . Intelligence is made not given. . It doesn't matter where I graduate or what I stumble against in the process as long as I become the person I want to be and do what I love. . I have all the time in the world -literally- to study for my steps .. to build my own knowledge. . -not that it was any different at LAU, but at least you presented us with deadlines- .. After I realized that I started studying more and reading independently and it has been so wonderful! ! And for the first time in a very long time... I know what I want. . And I know exactly how to get it.. I get doubtful at times and afraid of screwing up again,  but it is okay because I know that only those bends on the road that makes it worth a while. . I know that life doesn't always give you what you want and you have to learn to make a blessing out of whatever you end up getting. .
     I just hate all the bitterness I allowed myself to feel. . And thinking of how I let it change me makes me mad at myself. . But I am grateful for all of it..  For everything that had happened because without it I wouldn't have seen or realized so many beautiful things that one needs to really hit down bottom to experience..
      I still miss some things. .. working in the lab -even if it was a tiny storage room-, walking to uni everyday early in the morning -not an option here since my university is OUTSIDE of the city in the middle of the INDUSTRIAL AREA- .. and I miss the people I love so much -you included-.. people here are weird they live inside this bubble that keeps them from all the beauty the world has.. wrapped in lot's of religious crap that they have confused with spirituality... believing that they know what they are believing in when they are simply repeating what they have been taught like parrots. . Thinking that doing that is faith. . Amusing really. . I suppose that would give you an idea of the healthy deep and honest relationships I have established here *sarcasm*...
   Doctor,  you might preceive my entire email as irrelevant to you, but it was very important for me to tell you all of that.. Maybe because I have thought about many of the things you said during a lot of excessive thinking sessions and I developed multiple well developed philosophies based on them... Maybe because I respect you a little bit more than the normal respect level one gives to an other because of you being a biochemist. A field that I went through a lot of thinking,  debates and a whole lot of studying to realize that is the basic science underlying life.. Or maybe because repeatedly and for so many times all what you have seen in me was that mushy muchy, pissed off, broken down, weak,  all over the place side.. you have only seen the side of me that I hate the most. . And I hate for a person I truly look up to to think that of me.
     You have this thing that makes every single person in the biology department loves you and believe you are the ultimate best.. -on a side note you go by the name of Ralphie in our student community- .. They love you because of that emphatic look you give.. I really couldn't tell if it was 100% genuine or it is something you learned to do as a consequence of a life long of experiences.. Assuming you are the super hero I have gotten myself to think you are, I would say it is really true.. and that empathy you give stems right out of your soul -I just wish you had the same feeling towards mice-.. it is beautiful it really is. . The thing you are doing. . Your classes.. your research. . How you give a damn about people. . Proven by the fact that you are still reading my very long email right now! .. You are leaving an imprint in this world which is what truly matters. .
     Thank you so much for everything you gave -and still giving-.. Thank you a hundred times more for all the things you gave without knowing. . And thank you for the words that restored the hope in my life long after you said them...

With all the love I have in my heart,
Your most annoying naggy student,
M,
Future MD/Phd,