Lost in Crazy..

You can't kiss a girl like that and expect her to forget. You can't look in her eyes for that long then pray for the day you stop missing her.

What's really traumatizing is that I never imagined I loved you this much .

Honey, people only write about their sadness. They live out their joy.

The Grass Was Greener. You are selfish , and I am burning with my caffeine blood and whoremones. The Light Was Brighter. You are gone , and I am torn by dead memories and nostalgic ghosts. The Taste Was Sweeter. You are love , and I deserve better . http://soundcloud.com/nsalekseev/pink-floyd-high-hopes

I thought it was the love that persists. Lingers. Never fades nor diminishes. Fuck you, for all the ruins. Fuck me, For all the history.

I have always wondered how applicable it is to word your GRIEF? How is it possible to transmit such an intense deep emotional experience in a vocalised concrete manner. How can I tell you, How can I tell him, How can I tell me how I feel?         In those times where I feel my heart wrapped up in my losses, when I choke on the air I breathe, when a smile punctures holes in my soul; I feel so deviated from this vessel suffocating me.      I look at life, beauty, richness, happiness and all I could see is the inevitable death, ugliness, loss, and , misery.  I choke.     I can see life clearly, naked, stripped, and horrifyingly obscene.  How could any beauty exist after so much ugliness.  What amplutide of joy is needed to antagonise all the gloom, for something genuinely good to be felt again. Are we lost beyond redemption? Am I lost without redemption? I bleed.      The los...

     I kissed him, trying to bring him back. I kissed him and let my lips rest against his so that our breath mingled and the tears from my eyes became salt on his skin, and I told myself that, somewhere, tiny particles of him would become tiny particles of me, ingested, swallowed, alive, perpetual. I wanted to press every bit of me against him. I wanted to will something into him. I wanted to give him every bit of life I felt and force him to live.     I realized I was afraid of living without him. How is it you have the right to destroy my life, I wanted to demand of him, but I am not allowed a say in yours?     So I held him, him ex-lover, ex-universe, life, passion, happiness. I held him close and said nothing, all while telling him silently that he was loved. Oh, but he was loved.