A Start!

   I always wonder if it all started then or it has been there all along. First years of my life could only be described by a simple word, perfect! I had a loving mum, lived in a lovely home, and got everything I asked for. With all the perfection of my small perfect world I had one thing missing, I had him missing.

I stand here today eleven years after the day that radically changed my life, and I am still as lost and as confused as the nine years old girl who lost the most precious blessing God gave to his creatures. I thought time would mend the wounds inside my heart, I hoped for the life in my days to fill the emptiness in my heart. But it only got worse with time.

I woke up today and decided to sleep in late, this Easter vacation was wasted in "resting" after a month of me working my ass off to the max. I guess "trying" to get into med-school while wanting to help everyone, and be everything is not working quite well. First thing I did the minute I opened my eyes was to check my phone for My baby's messages. I woke up with a stinking mood so I wasn’t as sweet as I should be. Had breakfast with my uncle and his wife and then went to my room to study. As usual I didn’t study as much as I did everything else. And as an attempt for my unconscious to distract me from what I should be doing the thought of starting this thing right here insisted.

I have always loved to write, never been really talented in it, but it is indeed one of my passions. I never admired my writings; in fact it is too flawed to be read by others. I always compensated for my inability to write properly by reading. I found the lost part of myself in the books I read, too sad that I never have time to READ with all the studying and all the other obligations I have.  I am not hoping for much, I just feel so lonely and I need to share whatever that is in my heart with someone other than myself without getting the other person's petty or judgments.

April, 15, 2012,