Lost in Crazy..

I have been feeling depressed thinking of the nothingness I've established this summer, but then I realized the most heartwarming realization. I might have not been to space, but I have certainly wandered the most beautiful of all galaxies. This summer was the summer I fell deeply in love, and there is nothing more fulfilling of an achievement. I have never felt this infinite amount of affection for anyone before, with this infinity only growing into greater infinities looking into his eyes, or smelling through his skin. You might not be the love of my life yet, but I am here willing to start believing in the sentimentality of all principles. 

"The sound of your voice painted on my memories." The cold winter night,  with the clear black  beautiful starry sky. The empty classrooms. The darkness.  The warmth. The gentle kisses.  The promises forgotten.  The love that's wasted away. . The starry sky, Our Starry Sky.

I am no writer, which ensues a deeper meaning to whatever words my heart forces me to write. I am no sentimentalist, I never really give in to words and dreams. But I find myself here searching for letters to draw the words describing what I don't have the audacity to admit. Maybe, I have been so accustomed to anticipating the worst possible scenario, to an already impossible situation, that I can't accept a highly probable one. It is like I am afraid that if nothing seems to go wrong something worse from all wrong would be inevitable. Maybe, I have been so consumed battling for perfection, that when an eye -so very effortlessly- sees me as such I shrug out of my skin. Maybe, I have been questioning the existence of unconditional affection, that when it crosses my path I render it blasphemy. I am not sure if I have been here before, or if this is a new place for me to get lost in. But I know that either ways it could be Beautiful. I leeched on edges my entire life, ...

Sometimes it just gets scary, to open your heart and let the words flow uncontrollably. It is scary because you know once you let down the walls confining all what you've built up inside it would get nasty.  What's your story? I have many.       Not because I could be anyone or do anything, which would concequnecely add up to a Story. But because life is a perspective, and every time you look at it from a different angle you will get a different narration . The White Queen giving birth to the children she had with a craw. The Orphan Kid abandoned by her mother to have conversations with phantom voices. The Parent Mourning out-living her heartfruit. The Lady Mother living in the shames of her own birth. The Man life forced to walk in shoes bigger than him for blood-binding. The Young Abused boy helpless, disappointed, and grieving for the loss of all that made up a life. The Sweet Child silent, alone, and lonely. The D...

We talk about the future as if it isn't an extention of a tormented past. We speak about history, like it would never repeat itself. We run from the truth, ignoring that we can never escape ourselves. There is just so much to want in this life, not like any of it would make any difference. Speaking of this "difference", is there really such a thing? Maybe life is just a cycle of self-perpetuated constants, as scary as that might seem. We babble about change being a constant. We study how entropy would only drive the universe to expand, changing its course. But the chaos of death, loss, and misery has always been the same, with different a different face for each generation. There is this consistency for suffering that is almost poetic, driving crazy men to speak of a Utopia that can never exist. Because if there was a Creator, the Creator carved us to love ourselves first. And if there wasn't, then natural selection built us to fight to be, by all means, the fi...

Maybe it is very uni-dimensional  of me to assume that all what's wrong with the human race, stems out of one core trait. I went on for so long believing that this core trait is the lack of empathy, which taking the inanimated  constituents of the universe and how us, humans, are fucking it up makes really no appeal for a solution. When you think about it, it is really hard to empathize with a river we are destroying for our own selfish needs for example. This only suggests that this core trait has to be something more basic, and alimentary, something like Responsibility. The degree a person, an animal, heck even an amoeba has defines a whole lot of its character, purpose, feelings, and behaviors. An amoeba's -very primitive- form of responsibility towards the universe ensues that it should propagate its genetic material ensuring the survival of its species. A chicken's responsibility towards the universe is to makes sure it propagates, be food for the animals on top of i...