Lost in Crazy..

Fills us up quickly, Leaves us slowly, And puts us on a track that we spend the rest of our lives tracing. Escape the pattern.

To the point in time when distance between us seemed too foreign of a concept. When love was one, yellow and bright. When the sparks in your eyes lit fires to my brain. It wasn't the passage of time alone that got us this far removed from how parallel we stood. The loneliness, the loss, the search and the cluttered minds. I hope you put everything back in there. I hope your heart found the right chest and that your little dreams grew bigger trees. To almost forgetting what you've loved in me.

Left to wonder how many parts of you are still tainted with how you loved them once? It is okay to love, get disappointed, break your heart, grow into the being you are today in the process.  In the shames of being a little broken hearted girl I gathered myself above it and looked the other way. I let it go on for too long untapped and trenched. Thinking that rising above it means looking the other way. The truth is life is taking your heart out for others and letting them scar it to prove you've existed. It means nothing today, but it still means everything.  I can barely remember anything of what it was, but I still remember it all. And I pray for the day that my heart finds a way to believe the way I believed in you.

In the past two days I discovered that somethings are too overwhelming for our perception that it could be tooooooo damn surreal even when sober. I mean the sights we see are just too strange. Too foreign and too uneasy.That they just don't quite register. Like seeing bright light after dark. Or realizing a thought that was there all along but hidden. Or putting your cold hands in hot water. A distortion of the normal that our brains is so used to. An embodiment of theory into a real life slap to the senses.

"Like skin tastes but a bit sweeter"

Because you used those truths that only stood between the frames of that little moment and got trenched into lies a moment after. And I never liked the feeling of being lied to.

It isn't about them being gone. Or about all the death that happened between us. It is about them waking up one day and realizing that they did better.