Lost in Crazy..

Left to wonder how many parts of you are still tainted with how you loved them once? It is okay to love, get disappointed, break your heart, grow into the being you are today in the process.  In the shames of being a little broken hearted girl I gathered myself above it and looked the other way. I let it go on for too long untapped and trenched. Thinking that rising above it means looking the other way. The truth is life is taking your heart out for others and letting them scar it to prove you've existed. It means nothing today, but it still means everything.  I can barely remember anything of what it was, but I still remember it all. And I pray for the day that my heart finds a way to believe the way I believed in you.

In the past two days I discovered that somethings are too overwhelming for our perception that it could be tooooooo damn surreal even when sober. I mean the sights we see are just too strange. Too foreign and too uneasy.That they just don't quite register. Like seeing bright light after dark. Or realizing a thought that was there all along but hidden. Or putting your cold hands in hot water. A distortion of the normal that our brains is so used to. An embodiment of theory into a real life slap to the senses.

"Like skin tastes but a bit sweeter"

Because you used those truths that only stood between the frames of that little moment and got trenched into lies a moment after. And I never liked the feeling of being lied to.

It isn't about them being gone. Or about all the death that happened between us. It is about them waking up one day and realizing that they did better.

Does it make you wonder about all your failed quests? Is it hard to prove something to yourself when you don't know what are you proving?  Are you realizing what you already know, about your shivered boneless spine? There is this overwhelming flood of excitement that climaxes to empty into nothingness. . A Nothing of no emotional memory. A Nothing with bland motion-pictures in random order. And there is this subtle aching anxiety of waiting, waiting for all the lies to transcend into honesty.   Remember the time you were given the courtesy of sincerity? Never. Because cowardice has always been a safer bed to sleep in. I'm sorry baby, I can't share it with y ou .

There is always this fine line between madness and sanity. Emotional maturity and you being dragged all over the floor. It gets harder to slip back into what you know you are after getting this far Building. . Polishing. . Nurturing. . Accepting. . With huge chucks of Denying here and there. . We've been always here searching for this great Resolution, but it doesn't seem to be knocking on our doors anytime soon. Impressed? Look again. This is supposed to be amusing, at least for someone.. or something.