Lost in Crazy..

Maybe it is very uni-dimensional  of me to assume that all what's wrong with the human race, stems out of one core trait. I went on for so long believing that this core trait is the lack of empathy, which taking the inanimated  constituents of the universe and how us, humans, are fucking it up makes really no appeal for a solution. When you think about it, it is really hard to empathize with a river we are destroying for our own selfish needs for example. This only suggests that this core trait has to be something more basic, and alimentary, something like Responsibility. The degree a person, an animal, heck even an amoeba has defines a whole lot of its character, purpose, feelings, and behaviors. An amoeba's -very primitive- form of responsibility towards the universe ensues that it should propagate its genetic material ensuring the survival of its species. A chicken's responsibility towards the universe is to makes sure it propagates, be food for the animals on top of i...

I believe in Change, the type that builds up slowly, surely and strongly. The Change that persists.  I belive it matters. And I believe in the additive strength of the tiniest effort each individual could contribute with. I look to the future from that perspective and it is beautiful. Because the world is changing, it is a universal law, and we have the power to shape it into whatever we desire.

An intriguing thought just popped in my head while I was thinking of visiting one of mom's friends/ far cousins. I was thinking of how this woman used to cheat on her husband with this man who happens to be a far family as well. For a second I kind of attributed my uninitiated to visit her more often to this reason, and I was so close to "labeling" her unconsciously in the "not very good people" category, but the interesting thought popped in. It was one of those really clear loud full sentence type of thoughts, the ones that in hindsight you practiced all along but never vocalized "she is married her concepts are entirely different." The thought was basically that I am no place to form whatsoever judgment, I know nothing of the situation she is in, I know nothing about how she thinks nor her intentions. This makes sense, it is very reasonable and in a way suggests something bigger that I have been going on and on about in my head for a while. What va...

21-12-2013 I don't think I could ever forgive you, for all the things I have given.  I gave you MY HEART the only thing I HAD, my everything.  AND YOU! YOU let it die... You never loved me ..  You loved having someone there for you .. I want it to be over .. I want  to STOP .. stop loving you .. stop wanting you .. stop dreaming about you .. I just hate how all the passion and the love are gone, I used to feel it ... so overwhelming .. so genuine .. now it is nothing .. NOTHING .. All I could feel is my heart breaking over what I have lost .. what we have lost .. 27-12-2014 I have grown so much. Too much, arguably.  Looking back at where I was a year ago and where I am now, it is just fascinatingly overwhelming.  We know time heals all wounds. We have seen it everywhere,  maybe experienced it on different levels,  but this. Where I was a year ago was a different thing. Was -possibly- gr...

For the past week that I've had friend's fish to take care of,  I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I was a fish countless times. It seemed too damn easy. Living commitment-free, I guess. But then I started noticing that whenever I hold something "green" near his bowl it comes near it excitingly, because his food container is green. I don't know much about cognitive functioning in fish, but I know it is pretty simple given that fish are evolutionary most primitive among vertebrates. However,  the fish is displaying "classical conditioning" so it does have "some" level of complex cognitive circuiting. This, and many other behaviors I have been observing,  is no scientific solid proof of any fish consciousness, but it is an indicator that something is there. And then I started trying to view things through his perspective,  a fish's perspective. Now this, at first,  sounds easy but as you actually try it, really is a mind-fucke...

It is shockingly amusing how we are -in majority- the most pretentious show-offy braggy society and yet we are so scared of being envied for it. If you believe that you have something that others might want and envy you for, and you believe that that could affect you and hurt you, then please stop showing it off, live moderately and stop obsessing that you and what you have consumes so much emotions and importance from other people. Or might as well stop living or practicing anything or being anyone, because, you know, people would envy you and that would totally ruin your life. Don't get me wrong I do know that "العين حق" and I do understand the religious dimension of it, but what annoys me is how people live on without understanding the practical realistic -or you could say the scientific- dimension of it. I have done a  lot of thinking about this and I do believe in it in the sense that we are created of much more than what we could sense with our five senses....

The words escape me. There is nothing left now but fractions of segmented memories of moments, of hours, of days... Of your scent, of your face, of your hands ..  tightly holding mine, softly caressing my face, safely wrapped around me. Of your eyes. Oh your bright bright eyes.   I have never. I will never, see the worlds I have seen through them again. I have loved them all.  Of your kisses . Warm.. fast, slow,  warm.. enthralling..  sweet, bitter, strong, deep. light...  Heavy with your breathing. I wonder what are your memories. .. I wonder how was it like for you, I wonder why it was not enough . I think I have lost myself somewhere, 'some-when' I took in every bit of you, every taste of you, every scent of you, every touch of you  all at once. Passion.. I remember .. your butterflies burning in my stomach, taught me what it meant. Maybe ...