Lost in Crazy..

You die a little bit more inside. .. And I am not so sure if I wnna do anything about it. .

    And you try.. and you try.. and you want and you yearn.. and cry and cry.. weep and cry? Asking for things. .. working for things.. but do you get them? .. do you reach them?? Do you achieve them? Or do you lose them?     I gave in my heart .. inside out. . I gave in every single feeling that I believe is humanly possible. . And it hurts. . But was it worth it? Is it worth it?  But our brains fail to object when our hearts decide. . Why is it this way?  Why can't I admit to my failures and cut my losses short? .. cut my losses short. . Why? .. Do I still have anything more to lose? .. Ungrateful .. you could say.. I am still alive.. I still have everything that many people would die for.. but I lost the one true thing I really cared about. . My heart. .     Is it the big things or the little things? ? I don't care anymore. . It doesn't really matter. . I can't think straight. . So many thoughts come rushing through my head. . ...

    Sometimes in life.. you couldn't have loved more.. yearned more.. wanted something more.. and worked for it more.. but it just Does not work out . . And it isn't your fault. . Or is it?      But you will never know what was really IT that kept you from it...       Is it just the way life is? Builds you up.. lefts you higher. . Makes you believe you have everything.. only to bring you down.. and crush your soul?        An old philosophy is to believe that misery exists only to make one appreciates happiness. . That misery builds up a person and turn it into a full rounded experienced individual. . Is it so? Or is that the way the less fortunate try to think of it to make their existence bearable ?         The less fort unate ? .. did I choose the wrong vocabulary or does that bring it down to luck?       LUCK . . if it is a mat ter o...

In a message for a Professor of mine, describing what I have recently observed within the Saudi society: " I am alright medical school started and I loath the people here and I just hate how stupid and limited they are. . I think I finally got what Closed Minded means.. within modern language we use it to describe uptight people,  but after observing most of my classmates and how my educated intelligent professors approach them I came to understand the real meaning of it. It is like they are entrapped inside a bubble knowing that there is a world outside it but they refuse to explore it in fear of getting themelves contaminated with the evils they were raised to believe  existed. . And the way the more aware -maybe more intelligent?- approach them in is disgusting.. delicately afraid of breaking that bubble and exposing them to logic, empathy,  selflessness and every other beautiful aspect of humanity outside their pathological religious beliefs system . . They confused ...

Leaving an imprint on the world? Isn't that the forever-lasting struggle of the human race?       Giving that notion the time to question the justifications underlying it, it sums down to a simpler more comprehensible thought .. We are afraid of being forgotten.. Le ft alone six feet under.. I bet that thought would be all what's echoing in that eternal silence..          Maybe.. maybe that is why we are So Scared.. So Anxious.. when it comes to letting go of what's gone - Or whose gone-   because only when we Stop remembering.. Stop missing.. Stop feeling that void in our hearts.. when we STOP feeling the air thinning around us when we acknowledge  The Gone..  Only then What's gone becomes Forever Lost..        I don't mind to be gone..  out of your life.. out of your dreams.. out of Your Heart.. But what breaks my heart is the thought of being lost ..        I don't...

Richard Feynman, a world renowned physicist and revolutionary scientist, wrote this letter to his deceased wife, who was his high-school sweetheart. The letter was not opened until after he died in 1988: October 17, 1946 D’Arline, ... I adore you, sweetheart. I know how much you like to hear that — but I don't only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you. It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing. But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you. I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want yo...

I don't know what words to put together to make this seem as deep and as beautiful as you make me feel. It is like I spent my life building thick walls around my heart to keep it locked away for anyone to reach . Only to make the greatest mistake of all.  I let you in knowing that there is no going back. I let you in knowing that once you leave, you'll take away my heart. I let you in knowing that you'd make it so perfect for me to ever want out. How will I ever BE after your love.. How will I ever be me again... I know I am not perfect.. I know that I hurt you.. I know that I never satisfy you.. I know that I always pick holes in everything.. For all that I am and what I do I am sorry, for what it's worth you have me.. The childish, obsessive, idealistic, idiotic, bossy, bipolar me is all yours..  I always wish if there is more in me to make yours.. I always wish if i could take back things I have done. I always wish if I can never lose you.. ...